The Logical World of Fantasy Football (According to Me)

© Patrimonio | Dreamstime Stock Photos & Stock Free Images

© Patrimonio | Dreamstime Stock Photos & Stock Free Images

Do you have convoluted logic about certain things? I mean, do you ever find yourself trying to explain why you took a specific course of action, and then you realize that the explanation is taking longer than maybe it should, and that the look on the other person’s face reflects more and more confusion, amusement, pity, or disdain?

This happens to me more often than I should probably admit. Sometimes the issue at hand is significant, but most often I find myself getting labeled “quirky” over something that seems completely obvious to me.

Let’s take fantasy football, for example. First of all, trying to explain why I like football enough to want to play fantasy football at all can be tough, depending on the crowd. I tend to run with book people. I am a book person. In fact, throughout my young life, I took a book with me every time I had to go to a football game. You can hunker down in an end zone seat and get a good chunk of your book read and still have time for a nap.

But then I met a football player in one of my classes at Baylor, and his story changed the way I watched football. (Like, for one, thing, I actually started watching it.) He grew up knowing he wanted to go to college, and also that his family’s finances would make that dream difficult at best. At Baylor, he played hard and he studied hard. His story helped me see that university sports aren’t always the extra, frivolous window-dressing I’d thought of. For some people, they are a valuable means to an end. I know the NCAA system isn’t optimal, but for my friend, it sure made a positive difference.

So here I am, twenty years later, married to a diehard Dallas Cowboys fan. Time for fantasy football, and I did my homework. I put all the former Baylor players on a list; I made a list of Dallas Cowboys; and for back-up, I picked guys whose name sounds cool and who have not been in any trouble outside the game. And who don’t play for teams that oppose the Cowboys in their division, and whose coach I can respect.

This made for a fairly specific list.

Draft day was awesome. Boom, I got RG3, Kendall Wright, Terrance Williams, and Josh Gordon! (Matt Bryant got away from me.) I was way more excited about getting Terrance Williams (Baylor + Cowboy) than I was about getting DeMarco Murray. (He went to Oklahoma; being a Cowboy just barely outweighs his having played for Bob Stoops. By the thinnest of margins.)

Last week, I squeaked by with a victory, and another member of our league approached me with a trade offer. He wanted to give me Michael Vick in exchange for one of my players.

I told him sorry, but that wasn’t happening. See, Michael Vick didn’t go to Baylor, and he’s not a Cowboy, and he’s been in trouble for the whole dog-fighting thing. Also, I don’t like his coach, and he plays for the Eagles, who are in the Cowboys’ division. And his name is nothing special. I mean, he’s no BenJarvus Green-Ellis, you hear what I’m saying? So no. I mean, six strikes out of six? Yeah, I doubt you could put Vick on my team even if you hacked into my account. There’s that much keeping him away from me.

Our friend was speechless.

This, apparently, is not the strategy most often used in fantasy football trades.

It makes perfect sense to me. The whole point of fantasy football is to make it more fun to watch the games; to compete, to the death if need be, with some friends and relatives; and still be able to look yourself in the mirror before you go to bed. Right?

Laugh if you must. But Honey’s team and mine are competing this week, and I think there may be something about my strategy that aligns the football stars just right. As of bedtime on Sunday, I’m leading by 8 points, and the Seattle game has been delayed for weather.

I’m pretty sure the NFL wants me to win, no explanation needed.

Update Monday morning: I won by 5 points. I’m sticking with my strategy.




2 thoughts on “The Logical World of Fantasy Football (According to Me)

  1. I follow football closely and have since I played in high school and went out for the team at VA Tech. I am a Minnesota Vikings fan since I was a boy. I would say my favorite players are Adrian Peterson, Aaron Rogers, Drew Brees, and Clay Matthews. I do like Michael Vick since he is a fellow Va Tech guy and because I believe in redemption which I place myself in need of far to often.

    • See, Mark, your criteria make Michael Vick an okay pick for you! He still didn’t go to Baylor, and he still plays for the Eagles, so he’s still out for me. I also believe in redemption, and I’m not sorry to see him succeeding in the NFL. I don’t wish him ill in life. He just isn’t my top pick for fantasy football. :)

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